You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
