Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize