We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
