New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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