I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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