I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
