Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
