you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
