everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
