he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
