I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
