We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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