if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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