I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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