He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
