I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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