I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
