It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
