I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
