Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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