He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
