Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
