Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
