While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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