This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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