And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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