Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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