Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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