Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
