So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
