It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
