Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
