We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
not ubering you a puppy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
