we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
