people are starting to question the shark bite story
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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