There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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