I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
