When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
