you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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