ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
