She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
