I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
