Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
