This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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