it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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