I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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