Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
