guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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