There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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