The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
