No stitches, just platelets and will power
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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