I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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