She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
