"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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