I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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