i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
