Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
