Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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