So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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