Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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