she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
